MArtinis
NECN “BIT”
Martini’s, they seem to be everywhere now. Bars dedicated to the drink alone, full Martini menu’s and coffee table books. They seem to be a new trend and bars are cleaning charging as much as thirteen dollars a pop. Don’t get me wrong I have fell victim to the charm of a nice Martini. You feel a little older, hipper and chics dig it.
However, I find that the traditional Martini’s are rarely ordered, now they come in every shape, size and color, and they have the weirdest names. Like a dirty blond, or a Star Fish. Which isn’t the easiest thing to order, and still hold on to your masculinity, “That’s a fun drink to order, ‘Yeah let me get an Apple Martini, four hundred shots of whisky…ah, for me.” It seems now a days that bartenders can pour anything they want into a Martini glass and call it a Martini. “Here’s a dirty bar rag squeezed into your glass,…that will be thirteen dollars please.”I used to make a drink when I bartended, it was called “Go Home with the Chubby Bartender.” It wasn’t real popular. However I have a question, could they find a more difficult glass to put Martini’s in? But. I guess they really didn’t have a choice, (Act out)“Hey what do you want to put the Martini in?…Martini glass? (Pause)…Makes sense.” “Could you give me a drink that cost thirteen dollars, and then put it in a glass that spills more than the Exxon Valdese? Because that’s the drink for me.” The only way to make that drink any harder to carry would be if they poured it directly into your hands, And why not? That’s where most of it ends up anyway.You ever see someone trying to carry a Martini at a busy bar?
They act like the bartender just handed them a bomb. (Act out) swallow lump in your throat. “I’m just going to drink this here.” I think James Bond is the only guy who can pull off looking cool when drinking a martini. We might think we look cool while drinking Martini’s, but we don’t. No matter how cool you think you’re when drinking a Martini, you’re not.
It’s always the same thing; you’re sitting there with a girl trying to look sophisticated, “I’ll have dirty Martini, Vodka, straight up with three olives…Three Olives.” Then you go and take that first sip, and it looks like the left side of your body has shut down. You know the look you give. (Act out, act like chocking it down, gag, make face, then act like you are really enjoying it.)
“Oh that’s the stuff, I love these things, I get them all the time.” And it’s at this point that you’re happy that you spilled most of your drink trying to walk across the bar, and it’s then and there you realize why the Martini glass is shaped the way it is.